Once when The Times asked him and several other prominent authors to write essays on the subject “What’s Wrong with the World?” G. K Chesterton answered succinctly:
Dear Sirs,
I am.
Sincerely yours,
G. K. Chesterton
It is no secret that Chesterton is one of my heroes. He is one of those writers that you never question. He could claim the world is flat and I would probably believe him.
I spent last evening at Winchell’s 24 hour donut shop, even though their coffee is terrible. Everything else closes early on Sundays. I ordered decaf, but I think the barista/donut man gave me regular. I was buzzing.
I spent the evening catching up with my best friend, reading, and eating way too many donuts. I’m not addicted to caffeine, yet. Therefore, when I drink coffee after 8 I know I will have difficulty sleeping. The donut man, an upbeat Latino gentleman who smiles constantly, turned up the music loudly and started mopping the place. I took that as my cue to leave…
It was a nice evening for November, and due to the caffeine I
decided to try and walk off the buzz. I walked down Seneca and listened to John Coltrane’s, “A Love Supreme”. Jazz is like coffee; no one really likes it at first, but the more you drink it the
more you acquire a taste. After awhile, the satisfaction of listening to Art Pepper floor you with a Sax solo, or having Miles Davis stir your heart soup, is like nothing experienced. Not for everyone, certainly.
The greatest thing about Jazz is those intangible moments. The times where you’re listening and the unexpected, surprising, and often rash moments come without notice.
The times you’re swept off your feet. Jazz is unscripted, similar to life I suppose.
I had one of those moments as I was walking.
Anne Lamott writes with humor and yet is deadly serious about her struggles with forgiveness. A topic which Jesus has a lot to say. She makes an interesting point when she suggests that we are not punished by God for hating or not forgiving, but punished by it.
Unforgiveness causes the heart to decay.
Wasted energy.
There is such an emphasis on forgiveness in scripture. Jesus says we should ALWAYS forgive, regardless of circumstance. He even says if we don’t forgive, then God won’t forgive us.
For a moment I started to self-righteously think about how awesome I am. I started picturing myself walking down the street with thousands of people cheering for me wearing t-shirts with my face on them and holding up signs about my majesty.
My reasons being I am slow to anger and I don’t hold grudges very often. Therefore, I thought this was enough for people to throw a parade in my name. In the quiet 12:30 hour as I was walking past a Korean restaurant, I encountered the Holy Spirit like a sledge hammer.
I had one of those stream-of-consciousness moments where God began to reveal the actual nature of my heart, not to mention convicting me to quit having self-righteous mind parades.
Unforgiveness takes on many forms, and in my life happens to sneak its way into the smallest crevices of my heart, which I often find so easy to ignore.
It’s in the way I speak about others who are more successful than I am.
It’s in the way I secretly wish ill things on those who have wronged me.
It’s in the way I honked at a lady who almost caused an accident this morning.
Even now, I am not fully forgiving. If I had fully forgiven, I would have phrased it,
“It’s in the way I wish ill things on people.”
“It’s in the way I honked at a lady.”
But so often I feel this burning need to tag on my rationale. Simply stated; excuses for my sinful heart.
I love the way King David confesses his sin to God,
“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” -Psalm 51
David doesn’t make excuses. He says “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight;” and then has the guts to say, “so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge.” He’s absolutely right. God has the right to judge me for my unforgiveness even in what I consider the small things. I’m quite sure size is an irrelevant term for God (and David for that matter…).
Whether it’s road rage or my own insecurity, regardless of the roots, I need to be quicker to forgive. But the truth, which is so often the truth with most things, is that forgiveness, is a process. We don’t have a forgiveness switch. Well, maybe some people do, but I certainly don’t. Some people say time heals, but that is a terrible misunderstanding of how healing works.
Time is like taking pain killers.
It helps mask the pain, but it doesn’t deal with the problem. Healing takes place when the Holy Spirit brings you to a place of utter surrender, where you throw yourself at the foot of the cross. The only place true healing can take place. It is only there, where we can be fully restored.
In the perfect and infinitely merciful love of Jesus we can find wholeness, even when we are exactly what is wrong with the world.
Art is hard 
I think often the things we let weigh on our hearts and minds are pretty insignificant. While I agree time doesn’t heal our wounds it does help reveal which things that still need to be surrendered to God. In my life, it seems like the things that linger (which time doesn’t help us move on from) are usually things that I am trying too hard to control.
But I would suggest it is not the time that helps reveal, but the Spirit that reveals. Time, however, is necessary, I agree with that. It is always a process.
I think our desire to control is often the root of our sickness. Mostly because we do not deal with it at the source, but instead we deal with it at far later date when it has had time to fester and change from it’s original state. Our bitterness, then, becomes unrecognizable. In other words, the source of the original issue becomes a bit foggy.