When life hits, it hits.

Typically when I write on this blog I am not very sentimental, or, personal for that matter. But this post is long overdue. I just need to get it out of my system.

My blog has been inactive for quite awhile now. There are a few reasons for this:

My job responsibilities have increased.

I have begun my seminary program.

But the primary reason my blog has taken a back seat, is because I met a girl.

Actually, I didn’t really “meet” her, considering we have been friends for nearly 5 years now. We met at summer camp and worked together for three summers. There was always something about her that I couldn’t put a finger on. We are very different, but for some reason were always drawn to each other. The first summer on staff I was scared to talk to her because she is the kind of beautiful that makes you sweat and stumble over your words. Over the next few summers we had a bit of a summer romance, which never quite materialized due to being at separate colleges and timing.

A few years later…

I found out she was living in Wichita while I was trying the whole “dating” thing in Wichita. Once I knew she was in Wichita, I really couldn’t go out with anyone else because I found myself wanting to be spending time with her. We started dating in August and got engaged in January.  Her name is Elizabeth.

C.S. Lewis wrote some profound words on the subject of love:

“Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also many things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling….’Being in love’ first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.”

Elizabeth is someone I am absolutely crazy in love with, but that is not why I am choosing to marry her.  I am marrying her because she is a Godly woman who loves her family deeply. She is the most authentic person I know, and she never tries to be someone she’s not, which allows me to be who I am without pretense.  She is terribly smart, which can be a bit intimidating sometimes, and she has a depth and beauty that goes far beyond the physical. I could not ask for a greater compliment to my personality.

All this said, I’m not sure I believe in “the one” philosophy, this idea that everyone one has a special someone out there that they are “supposed” to end up with. On a philosophical level it really breaks down when you think about it. If one person marries the wrong person, then it messes things up for everyone else. Frankly, either of us could have married someone else and found happiness. I believe Elizabeth is just a girl and I am just a guy, and there is no cosmic force that drew us together. This said, I am incredibly blessed I found her.

We will never fully “complete” each other, even if we do compliment each other quite well, because I don’t think that is what marriage is supposed to accomplish.

That in an unfair expectation to put on anyone.

Completion, I do not believe was ever intended for us here on earth. There is this unspoken notion that love conquers all. That romantic love will bring wholeness and complete restoration. I know people who had an expectation that marriage would “fix them” only to experience tremendous disappointment when they came the sobering realization that their spouse was not Jesus. Worshiping the altar of “romantic completion” is a destructive path that leads to major disappointment.


Photo Credit: Charlotte Dower Ramseyer

Elizabeth will bring me great joy and companionship and we will be friends and lovers until the day we die. But I believe our commitment will last until death because we aren’t looking to each other for completion, but as a foretaste of the greater marriage that will take place in the next life.

I cannot wait to marry this girl.


Well, now that it’s out of my system, I’ll return to posting about indie music, strange diets, art, bizarre encounters with people in public places, and everything that makes art hard.

Sometimes life simply gets too good you don’t want ever want it to stop…even to blog.

About mattjaderston

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6 Responses to Elizabeth

  1. Grandma J says:

    Well written, grandson. Grandpa and I are happy for you and praying for both you and Betsy. May God continue to guide you both in the decisions and life moments ahead. We love you!

  2. Lindsey says:

    I’ll admit that I cried. I am so happy for you two. Your words were eloquent and a true testament to how blessed you both are. (And how blessed we are to get the see you both grow together.)

  3. Tad says:

    Matt, your thoughtfulness and devotion to Betsy warms Mel and my heart. We are so happy you are a part of our family. Tad

  4. Congratulations!! Also, well done on this post. What a great way to view your marriage!

  5. Janice Brandes says:

    Well said Matt J! I’m so happy for you both and pray for God’s best for you and Betsy as you now journey together. Someday we’d love to meet her and share stories of a best friend blessing for our boy and sandwich days! Love you!!

  6. emd says:

    I love you 🙂

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